ROCK MAKES THE GARDEN HOWL

ROCK MAKES THE GARDEN HOWL
January 3, 2008 -- RAUNCHY stand-up Chris Rock had Madison Square Garden in stitches Monday night, when he kicked off his six-month tour performing for a sold-out New Year's Eve audience of 20,000 fans who gave him a midnight standing ovation.

The comic from Bed-Stuy proclaimed he was a bit "nervous" when he took the stage after his opening act, R&B singer Jill Scott, also brought down the house. "I haven't done this in a while," said Rock, who was clad in a slick gray suit and brown silk shirt. But he quickly got down to business, covering every topic from Britney Spears to each presidential candidate's flaws.

"Britney Spears, boy. Even OJ kept his kids, and he even killed their mother," Rock cracked. "Britney went and messed up her dance moves at the MTV awards and they took her kids away. Go rehearse and get your kids back."

Moving on to the election campaign, Rock observed, "They sure don't want you to vote - it's easier to vote on 'Dancing With the Stars.' "

On Barack Obama: "Bush [bleeped] up so bad, now people are like, 'We don't want another white guy in the White House' . . . but Barack don't realize he's the black candidate, talking in measured tones like he does."

On Hillary Clinton: "I think America's ready for a woman president . . . just not that woman. Being married to somebody doesn't make you good at their job. I've been with my wife 10 years now. If she got up here right now, y'all wouldn't laugh. At all. You get on a plane tomorrow, you want the pilot's wife flying you?"

On Rudy Giuliani: "Everyone says Giuliani was great on 9/11. Great on 9/11 . . . What about 9/10?"

Next Rock professed black guys' love of Rosie O'Donnell. "Black men will [bleep] the whole 'View,' we'll take Barbara, Joy. They will drop kick Jessica Simpson . . . and [bleep] Rosie O'Donnell."

Even Barry Bonds made it into Rock's new act. "Our government's not trying to get bin Laden, they're trying to get Barry Bonds. If you tell me I'm gonna make more money if I take a pill, I'd be freebasing."